How to find yourself?

[Jessica Kohl]

I feel very lost for a long time now. I finished school in 2019 and started studying biology. Even moved to a different city, a bigger city. Somehow I pretty quickly realised, biology wasn’t the right fit for me. Maybe it wasn’t even about my major per se, but the fact that I wasn’t ready for all of it. Now I am in my fourth semester, I am still not sure what I want to do instead. Psychology, linguistics, philosophy… I can’t seem to decide. And I think the problem lies within me. I keep serching for the “perfect thing”. Another thing is that I am always thinking about what other people would think about me. “What will I study that will make me super successful? Will they be jeaulous of me? Will they finally approve me?”. When imaganing this situations I often think about people from my Highschool and my past teachers. Why is the need to prove someone something so big?

I feel so bad because in one month I will become 21 and I still haven’t figured out what it is that I want. Feel like I am far way behind everyone else. I had two years after highschool and instead of doing something, I really did nothing. I know that age is not all that matters and that while some find their peace of mind with 27 years, others search their whole lives for it.

How do you know what is right for you? And how do you understand how to make even the seemingly wrong thing, feel right? I mean it isn’t really about the thing itself, it how you feel about it, isn’t it?

I am thinking about maybe volunteering somewhere instead. Maybe it will be the one thing that will give me a purpose? But again, I feel so pressured and like I have no more time left… Like I don’t deserve it to go and do something else. I haven’t done anything useful with my time, you know? It’s the wanting so much and achieving nothing.

How do you open your heart to listen to the universe and find your peace of mind, hence allow yourself to pursue something?

[Author]

Posts