September 23, 2021 at 10:17 am #1016Mikhail BorisovParticipant
I have posted on this site several times in the past. I will try to keep this brief.
I’m 26 (nearly 27) and have always felt very unstable in jobs – I think it’s likely I have ADHD from what I have looked into, but no formal diagnosis as of yet. But my mind is very active and if I’m in a position that bores me, I really struggle to stay motivated.
I am a creative person – and I’m very caring, especially towards animals.
When I left school, I didn’t know what to do. I ended up studying (not at Degree level – just College in the UK) Business and Finance because it felt like a ‘safe’ option that covered a lot of group. This was around 10 years ago, and only recently have I understood just how much of a hole I have dug myself by keeping distracted by everyday things and having too many hobbies.
I tend to work jobs for a year or two and then get to the point of being very depressed and anxious … feeling like I am wasting my life, and then I quit. I have been off work for 3 weeks since I tried a role that was clearly not good for me (answering calls all day, and speaking with angry tenants of a housing association – dealing with complaints mostly). The atmosphere was very negative and a few members of staff in particular made it extremely unpleasant to be in their company.
I am a sensitive person, but I am doing my best now to become stronger, more resilient and better socially. One of my biggest obstacles is in experiencing social anxiety. As an introvert, I find office jobs quite stimulating and it’s hard not to feel distracted by conversation and underlying moods.
My CV (resume) highlights jobs in Motor Insurance, Admin and Customer service roles … I don’t feel they reflect me as a person and now I feel boxed in. I’m getting depressed looking at job sites every day – finding nothing that inspires me… and not even finding much of what doesn’t.
I throw a lot of my energy and effort into my YouTube channel and I’m soon to hit 3000 subscribers, but I have been doing this a long time and there is no money in it, which is a shame.
I went to an Open Day for a 3-year Counselling and Psychotherapy course recently. I think I will do the course, which starts in September, but I still have a lot of fear and self-doubt about my abilities. My main concern is being stable with an income. I moved out with my girlfriend last November and feel I am letting her down by sitting at home all day, trying to find a job, while she is working 6 days a week (as she is doing an apprenticeship on top of a regular job). Rent is pretty cheap, and we get along great but I want to make her (and my family) proud. I have always been the person who they worry about, because I fall to pieces in these standard jobs. It’s as if I have a sense of self-importance… I just can’t settle for a mediocre life. I feel like a number when I work in an office just doing something for the money.
I’ve been looking after the house chores and preparing dinner and stuff like that, but being home by myself all day is obviously not great. I recently started going back to a community centre to play Badminton and last week I started a Fiction Writing course.
I have about £4000 left in savings, so could survive for 4-5 months if I don’t spend any money but I don’t want to waste my savings doing nothing and I worry about having to explain another gap in my Career (if you call my jobs a Career). The first week off was nice, but I have made no progress despite many applications and I am starting to freak out a bit about where my life is headed. The only offers from recruitment agencies are for low-money, mundane jobs that will give me no skills or reputation to progress in the future.
I consider myself very soulful and switched on… which makes me feel a bit isolated. I am a Vegan and quite minimalist. I just want a chance to express my true self and to fit into this World, doing my bit to contribute. Taking another crap job will lead me back to feeling hopeless.
Any wisdom would be appreciated. Everything feels so hard now.
Maybe some action steps that I can follow …
Thanks for your time.
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