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My son no longer speaks to me

Homepage Forums Positive Parenting My son no longer speaks to me

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  • #1007
    Leon Rudolf


      It’s quite a story but my heart is broken and I feel lost as to what to do. I really could use some advise.

      My adult son, who lives in another country, has not spoken to me for almost a year now. He is my first son and he had a difficult childhood growing up and even though I have made continuous improvements with myself and have turned my life around more than 12 years ago….I now realize, he still holds a lot of resentment. Since he moved to the UK to live with his father 7 yrs ago, we have tried to stay connected through phone calls, skype and social media. We both weren’t financially in the position to be able to visit each other but we always had such great conversations, never argued or disagreed and we seemed to be doing so well. He would even confide in me and seek my advise whenever he had girlfriend issues. I missed him terribly all the time and felt so guilty that I didn’t have enough money to visit for birthdays or Christmas.

      It was very difficult for me to have him so far away and always feared that somehow we would lose each other. He joined the British Army 4yrs ago and was finally able to come home to visit for a couple of weeks. We had a great time…we had good conversations and he was very affectionate and sweet. We promised each other we would make it a point to take turns visiting each other every year…if we could. The following year I was able to save enough and my youngest & I went to visit him in London. It was the most amazing 10 days and my heart was happy…we were making it work and we were a family no matter how far apart we were from each other. Then he met a girl. We were making plans for him to come home for Christmas….first Christmas in over 5 years!

      We were excited but he wasn’t sure if he could afford the flight. I offered to pay half. 2 weeks later he tells me he is bringing her with him…he wants me to meet her. I was thrilled. We started making plans on what to do…they were only visiting for 6 days. I wanted to make a good impression. We live in a small 2 br apartment but we made it work. She was lovely and sweet but there were moments of tension. They would argue about money but she wanted to shop. I offered to pay for all of our outings and activities, drove them anywhere they wanted to go. He was getting frustrated with me because I would ask them to not argue about money…that we should just enjoy the time we have together instead and that everything would be ok. I just wanted us all to be happy & cheerful and not worry about money. I was getting frustrated too but tried my hardest to hide it. Maybe tried too hard to please them both but at them same time trying to spend precious time with him. On their last day she insisted she wanted to go shopping one more time so I dropped them off at the mall. I was exhausted mentally & emotionally so I really need to rest.

      They were gone for more than 8 hours shopping and I guess she had a credit card. They came back with several bags from expensive name brand stores. In the back of my mind I was confused and furious…all that arguing and making me feel sorry for them & paying for everything…and she has a credit card? I was more disappointed that this whole time we could’ve had our time together spent without the tension and constant arguing!! I said nothing about it…I suggested we have dinner together…it is after all out last night before they leave in the morning. He turns around and says no…they want to be alone and do not want to have a family dinner. I was really hurt and told him that was not fair…his brother & I would like to have more evening with him…who knows how long it will before we will be together again. All of a sudden he snaps back at me and tells me : We have spent enough time together as a family….isn’t 4 days enough?

      You can’t control me anymore!! This was supposed to be a vacation with her! and slams the door shut. He message me 30 min later and says; I’m beyond upset…I can’t believe you did this to us. ??????????????? What?! The next day…we have pancake breakfast at Grandma’s and he will not make eye contact….at all. He’s talking to everyone else but me…and you could cut the air with the amount of tension.

      His eyes…the look on his face is full of resentment and almost hate! My heart is broken completely…but there is no time and she is hanging on him with this smile on her face and her brand new pandora bracelet.

      Since then…he has ignored all my emails, phone calls and has even blocked me from all social media sites. Please….what would you do and how do I ” heal ” from this? What do I do? I will never give up on him. I miss him terribly!

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