September 23, 2021 at 10:16 am #1015Nmande PretoriousParticipant
I have a situation here with work. For a while, I was stressing so much about my work performance, if they liked me, thought well of me, wanted to keep me, etc. This was because no one had a performance review in a year. A few of us were stressed and worrying. It was draining and I was putting in 10 hour days, getting in super early, not taking lunch breaks, doing way more than I could handle. I was just trying to do the absolute best (be perfect) to avoid being fired.
It’s not like I had anything to worry about. I have a great relationship with my boss and some of my co-workers. I did however have a co-worker who always tried to push me under the bus, blame me for her own mistakes and just overall try and make me look bad, which of course added to my stress and perfectionist attitude. However, recently she was caught doing this to many others and since then, her behavior has gotten better because management spoke to her.
Recently, I had my performance review (I had been almost 2 years) and got a really good, positive review. My manager wants me to actually become office manager (her role) and become more involved in HR in 2021. She thinks very highly of me and gave me all 5/5’s or 4/5’s. She said areas to work on would include Confidence and Attention to Detail (since sometimes I tend to rush things). But overall she was smiling and happy with me as per usual and I got a raise.
Since that review, my confidence did go up, the worries did subside a lot, I stopped doing these 10 hour shifts and avoiding lunch breaks, stopped checking work emails after hours and started acting more normal. Overall, for the most part I’ve felt better. However my perfectionist attitude is the one thing holding me back sometimes. I still want to be seen as “the perfect employee” and make as little mistakes as possible even though realistically, especially planning to take on a new role, I know I will for sure make some mistakes. I fear in becoming office manager and making a ton of mistakes and them changing their minds or making mistakes prior to becoming office manager and them again changing their minds. I made a small mistake today and told an employee some news that I apparently was not meant to share (I didn’t know), and my boss brought it up but also said “don’t worry you didn’t know, this is just for you to know for future”. But I still had that gut-wrenching pit in the stomach feeling that lasted over an hour. My boss was also showing me earlier this week some HR related work that we were both confused with but I felt like I should know it (I don’t know why I felt I should…there really is no way I could without her showing me how it’s done). She said not to worry and that she was just as confused and that we will figure it out.
I am lucky to have a caring boss. I would like to feel ready to take on office management and HR further and part of me believes that I can considering how my boss treats me and my good review, but the other part of me is always afraid to mess up and have her opinion of me change into something negative if I make a few mistakes along the way.
Am I being too hard on myself?
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