Struggling

[Suzume Matsushita]

Hi!

I feel like this is a complicated one, i feel like the issue might lie with me and how I deal with my relationships and other people’s emotions but basically I’m just really struggling to deal with some people in my life. These people have mental health issues but aren’t doing anything to help themselves and are acting in ways that end up affecting me. I’ve always been the person to try and help other people and I think I’m an empath as I do take on other people’s emotions and issues as my own which i think could be causing the problem!

But recently I’ve just been struggling, i feel like ive just had too much put on me for too long. I feel like I cant do things I’d like to because i worry how its going to affect other people. For example… Im going to a concert on my birthday and it turned out we could only get one ticket at the time and i decided I’d just go myself which I was really excited about because it means i won’t need to worry about anyone else or deal with any drama which will be certain if other people are coming. My friend said yesterday that she had seen tickets on sale and was thinking about going and i would love for her to come as we are on the same wavelength and it would be drama free! However recently my sister has decided she doesn’t like my friend and she feels left out and she thinks no one can be bothered with her, the reason she fell out with my friend is because she wasnt invited to my friends friends friends house 😂 when she would have been invited if it was my friends house. the problem is she definitely has anxiety and possibly Depression, she drinks constantly and isn’t a very nice person when she does drink! I genuinely believe that everyone around her cares for and loves her but she just cant see it and thinks everyone is against her.

I told my friend that if she wanted to come id say to my sister as well obviously, but then it will end up either she won’t be able to go and I’ll feel bad because i won’t want her to feel left out while im away with my friend or she will come and will get so drunk and end up being horrible and it will ruin the time for me… My friend said that’s okay and she understood so she’s just going to leave it. Then my boyfriend said today that he seen tickets and he was thinking about going but again I’ve just told my pal no basically. My boyfriend also struggles with his mental health and the smallest thing can totally ruin his day, if not his week. i feel like i really go out my way for things to run smoothly for him. Ill do things he wants just so he doesn’t get upset even if its not what I want, just because its easier.

When he is upset, im upset… So its easier to keep him happy so I can feel happy. Even if its not what I want to be doing! If he comes there will definitely also be some sort of issue. Then I’ve also just told my pal no so then I’d end up needing to say to my friend and then id need to say to everyone, because i don’t want anyone feeling left out…

I feel like i was just so excited about going myself so I didn’t need to worry about anyone else or their emotions or actions… Now i feel bad because i feel like im telling people they cant go see an artist that they like because of my issues 😂 but i just don’t want my time to be ruined by other people when I’ve been looking forward to going myself.

I probably sound like a massive bitch! I know, i think im just really at breaking point from dealing with other people’s shit all the time, its hard! I constantly just want to be myself and I feel like I just want to run away and isolate myself forever because it would be so much easier! But you cant really do that!

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